MR KENZO’S #FIRSTDATERULES FOR MEN

The reason why I wrote this is because :

1 – Donatella from Grimedaily.com infuriated me with her version of her first date rules
2 – I’m tired of guys getting no-where with girls, especially the over-rated, overvalued 6/10 London Girls who think they are 12/10.

If your decent looking and with a solid attitude and personality and wants to get a chick to be on your d*ck please read….

-----------------------------------------


Rule #1 – NEVER EVER EVER PAY 100% ON THE FIRST DATE – That’s a suffering mans tactic that will leads to you ending up in the ‘friend zone’ with the chick, or even worse, making you pay for everything and taking the straight piss with you. Make sure it’s around 50/50…If the girl is broke, then she’s not for you.


Rule #2 – TAKE HER TO A PROPER RESTUARRANT– I’m not talking about Nandos or Gormet Burger Kitchen – You can do that once you’ve wifed it…I’m talking about a restaurant where’s she’s never been to and its face to be seen at. Sketch Gallery, Gaucho Grill, Restaurant Bar & Grill & Aura are all big boy places.. Anywhere where people recommend the place and the total bill including drinks is around £75 - £125 is a good look


Rule #3 – GET A BOTTLE OF WHITE WINE, BUT LET HER CHOOSE – White wine is always a good look and usually makes your date more relaxed and more comfortable around you but unless your some fucking wine connoisseur don’t pick the wine; Some girls like dry, some girls like it medium-sweet.


Rule #4– MAKE SURE YOU PAY WITH CASH – This is a strictly psychological move. Moreover, If your bill is £77.84 and your not sure if you’ve got £74.87 or £87.47 in your account do not take a chance just for them to turn around to say ‘I’m sure your cards been declined’ – That will par the whole date automatically


Rule #5 – GO SOMEWHERE ELSE – It shouldn’t end there, it needs to be an experience for the girl. Best place is always a nice upmarket cocktail bar. AVOID going to a nightclub for her to see you dance like an idiot or being spotted by some road girl you used to bang on a regs


Rule #6 – DON’T WALK ANYWHERE – If your eating in Angel, Islington and you want to go to Hoxton then don’t walk…next thing you know her feet will be in pain and then she’d wanna get a tube home on her own. Everywhere you go needs to be in a black cab (or with Addison Lee)


Rule #7 – TALK TO HER / DON’T TALK NONSENSE – This is one of the key rules….first dates are all about getting to know each other; don’t talk guntalk or about football (unless she’s that type of girl). Ask her questions, get her to ask you questions, make her laugh and make sure the drinks are flowing… remember your trying to her like you. The talk needs to be at an angle otherwise you’ll fall into the friend zone…

Rule #7.5 – DON’T ALLOW HER TO TALK NONSENSE EITHER – This is as equally important as rule 7 – and where a lot of guys mess up – You cant agree to everything a girl says, same way you cant allow a girl to have her way either otherwise see rule 1. You need to disagree to things she is chatting shit about, you need to stir up some controversy so she knows that you’re a solid guy and not Bennett (lol)


Rule #8 – DON’T BE A PERVE – By now she should be keen, or even better, on your shit. If she’s getting close don’t be like me and try grab a tit; Don’t talk about your favourite position or about eating poomps…in fact don’t talk about sex or anything blatant. If you think she’ll respond to it then be smart about it with innuendos, etc, etc but don’t force it.


Rule #9 – KEEP PHONE CALLS / PEOPLE YOU MEET TO A MINIMUM – Accept a few calls just to let her know who she’s fucking with; There maybe a person who may bump into you on your first date…It could be a friend or an ex or a shotter or whoever but make sure you keep it brief. Anyhow she gets a whiff that you’re some sort of galice or your more bothered about business then her, then things could turn sour


Rule #10 – TAKE HER HOME AND MAKE THE DECISION – This is another key rule. Between the bar and taking her home you should’ve lisped by now…If she asks (or assumes) your coming in to her flat then you’ve got to make this decision…if you want to bang it and not see it again (and risk the chance of her calling you a dickhead afterwards) then bang it. If you want to wife it then have a bit of fun but go home…and plan the next date…


-------------------------------------

Please note – I don’t need to follow these rules…I’m Kenzo.


x

A Letter To Skepta

Dear Skepta,

How are you? Hope all is well. Anyways, someone posted this video on my wall:

I watched it and I liked it but I thought, “Bro….”

So I have pose this question to you….

Are you that hungry for the bait commercial cash?

I’m not trying to boy you off or anything. I respect you heavily as a artist but negro to negro, I need to break it down that you’re a confused individual…

Wiley is pushing a Bentley, Tinchy is on TV every hour of the week, Dizzee is doing 300,000 units off Tongue & Cheek on his own label and your still living in the ends, catching a munch in Tottenham Green Kebab…does that make you want do these commercial tracks? If so, why do you find the need to still do the road shit? You want road mans and shotters to respect you but then you to appeal to the young 16 year olds as well…Bro, you cant do both…you cant be doing mad road tune like this:

then do some bait pop-electro like this:

you’re alienating one crowd for another, this has a negative impact because your core grime fans are going to think your some bait wannabe pop binman, while you don’t crossover to the mainstream audience properly anyway..

Look at Tinchy, Chipmunk and Dizzee; they are all playing their position because they (and the record label) know the market they are aiming for. Tinchy makes tunes for commercial / commercial teenage audience. He rolls with Sugababes, while Fraiser T Smith produces his music. Chipmunk is marketed strictly to girls in Year 7 who only see blacks on MTV base or on Crimewatch UK. Dizzee has an older fanbase which was naturally derived from the Grime scene, which is now more of a Urban/Mainstream audience but a much wider and older demographic. Chipmunk is signed to Jive, Tinchy is signed to Universal/Island and Diz is putting out his own stuff on his own label, with each having their own success.

Where as for you, I don’t think you even know what your doing…either that or you’re just floating by following other acts. Firstly, for example, Wiley comes out with “Wearing My Rolex” on Warner :

Then you come out with “Rolex Sweep” on Ministry of Sound, trying to catch face :

How are you gonna tell me that was going to work?? Song-writing wise, Wearing My Rolex is a better song Rolex Sweep and therefore would always going to be in the shadows of Rolex Sweep. Label wise, Warner has always had a solid track record with putting out UK Urban Music (The Pure Garage Compilations, Kano, The Streets, Craig David, etc, etc), while Ministry of Sound is more of a Compilations label, UK Urban music they have lackluster results (Soundbwoy Ent, SLK, etc, etc)

You can argue that Wiley and Dizzee is on that mainstream cash too but Wiley is more natural and Dizzee’s mainstream success was a natural progression, where you proper force it with the mainstream stuff…

Secondly, lets say you just focused on the mainstream…the singles you put out don’t do anything at all because you do not have any structure whatsoever..

Even with ‘Bad Boy’, getting Agent X to produce the track and having a catchy hook is not a guarantee that it’s going to get played in Radio 1. Where’s your regional radio Plugger? TV Plugger? National Plugging team? Specialist Plugging team?? PR Officer? Physical Distributor? I bet you that if Chipmunk re-vocaled the track in the exact same way the track would do Top 5 – No Hype! simply because the label is handling it….simple as. You need all of these people on board if you want to get A-List Radio Play. Doing a video for GrimeDaily.com and putting it on iTunes is not gonna make it to top 10…You know it, I know It….

Let me assure you that I’m not some jealous prick or a black version of the industry hater, because he is a prick. I market brands and work with artists visually and strategically everyday so it’s fair for me to have my say, as I know my stuff.

These are my points and I suppose my real questions to you; I would like a reply on why you feel the need to do both road tracks and commercial songs and why you don’t have a proper structure around you….

Regards,

Mr Kenzo.

Old Skool Video of the Day